i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
