He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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