drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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