do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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