i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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