It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
