I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
