meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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