I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
