i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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