just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize