maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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