dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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