yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
