My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
