hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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