Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Randomize
