no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
