So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
