none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
