i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
