did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
