I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize