I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
