Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
