Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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