dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize