i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
