my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize