Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
