did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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