party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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