God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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