they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
me + whiskey = a bad person
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
