Barsexuality is the new black.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
