He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
