if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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