we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
