wrigley field is MILF paradise
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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