I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
