I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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