i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
