The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
