I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
try to milk me bitch
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
