Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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