you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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