they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
