if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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