I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
