As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
