What a fucking waste of an outfit
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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