So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
