Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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