My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think my moral compass just broke
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
