it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
