Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
