I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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