Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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