He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
