if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
