your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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