I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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