Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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