the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
