Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
