They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize