Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
