Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
