Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
