Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
