she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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